The Enjoyment Switch: Why Not Choose to Enjoy?

Why do we so often choose to make life less enjoyable than it needs to be? 

Take my day, for example:

• I struggled for hours to edit my latest newsletter on the second most important thing you do for your life and still feel there’s a lot wrong with it.
• I got soaked in the cold rain while talking to strangers on the phone for over two hours. 
• I skipped lunch to address other priorities. 
• I did a grueling workout in the driving rain.
• I dealt with my crabby, teething 9-month-old and fiercely independent 3-year-old while my wife was out all evening. 
• I took out the recycling and compost then filled out forms to apply for public dental health support for the boys. 
• I got ready for bed.

If forced to fill my shoes, most people would have felt downright miserable for much of my day. Heck, even my younger self would’ve found it unpleasant and exhausting. 

But, as I lie on my floor bed beside my two slumbering sons in our 630 square-foot, one-bedroom, I think to myself:

“Good day!”

I’m not exhausted or miserable in the slightest. I chose to enjoy just about every part of it: 

• I enjoyed losing myself in the challenge of publishing something that readers like you will want to consume to the end and act upon afterward. 
• I enjoyed stimulating my curiosity, challenging my ability to articulate my thoughts on the spot, and connecting with new people in Cincinnati and Barcelona over the phone, while getting fresh air and finding humor in the absurdity of being unable to type notes on my wet phone with numb fingers. 
• I enjoyed the lightness of an empty belly and the feeling of pride for having developed the metabolic flexibility to have no problem with an irregular eating schedule—or even no food at all for days on end. 
• I enjoyed feeling “wild and free” as I stripped down to just my training shorts to sprint up and down the beach for my workout, smiling like Arnold Schwarzenegger¹ as I felt the eyes of bundled-up passers-by under their umbrellas thinking, “That guy’s nuts.” 
• I enjoyed soaking in the pre-nostalgia of my kids’ silliness: Sandy looking stunned after hucking his teething toy so hard it bowled over half the stuff on the table in front of him; Zac managing to find inventive ways to make a mess of everything as he “helps” me make scrambled eggs and toast for dinner.²
• I enjoyed the peace and quiet of the dark alley as I sorted out the recycling.

I DIDN’T enjoy filling the dentist forms, though.

Flip the Enjoyment Switch

At some point not so long ago, I realized I can flip a switch in my brain to enjoy stuff I previously thought I didn’t like.  

This “enjoyment switch” exists for just about anything.

People, for example. Even when someone acts like a complete asshole to me, I can enjoy A) Feeling proud of myself for having way higher well-being than them, and B) The challenge of trying to decode what might have led them to act in such a way. 

Or food. Up until a few years ago, I hated black licorice. But then I decided not to. And I had a fun time challenging myself to acquire its taste. 

When you truly believe you can choose to enjoy something, your brain’s ability to rationalize makes it true:

Or maybe that’s not how it goes. Frankly, I don’t care much about getting into the mechanisms of flipping the enjoyment switch. I just know it works.

And I know I’m not special. Sure, I don’t feel negative emotions as strongly as most, but I’m the same with positive emotions³. Nobody who’s known me for a long time would say I’m a bundle of joy. And I don’t even meditate. 

So if I can do it, you can do it too. 

It’s a matter of believing that you can flip that broad-perspectived, glass-half-full, look-at-the-bright-side enjoyment switch in your brain. 

More Possible Choices

You can also choose not to enjoy nor to dislike something, but simply not give a flying f**k. 

My friend Cam shared one example with me a couple of weeks ago. He used to get pissed when he saw people in Bali riding scooters without helmets on. Sometimes he’d even self-righteously tell them off. But then he journaled about it:

• Was he helping anyone by scolding them? No. 
• Did he intend to do anything to enforce or educate safe helmet-wearing in Bali? No. 

Once his angst was out of his brain and on paper, he observed its pointlessness. So he chose not to care anymore.  

You can also choose to continue irrationally disliking things. 

Examples for me include cooking and country music. I don’t feel it’s worth the effort to flip those switches. Instead, I simply try to avoid them and don’t complain when they’re forced upon me. I also try to find other things to enjoy at the same time, like a beer or the people I’m with. 

For some things, though, enjoyment is not a choice. 

Filling out dental support applications, for example. Also: death, paper cuts, paperwork, and traffic jams. But there are far fewer impossible-to-enjoy things than we want to believe.

Here’s a simple rule of thumb for gauging whether or not you can choose to enjoy something:

Is it despised by everyone except for clinically crazy folk?

If so, no enjoyment switch exists. But if you can think of otherwise sane people who seem to enjoy something you don’t—exercise or socializing are the two most common examples—you’re choosing to make yourself more miserable than you need to be.  

For those truly unenjoyable tasks, you can still choose not to stress about having to do them until you’re doing them. You can make them slightly less unpleasant by treating yourself to some nice tea or playing music. And, once off your plate, you can choose to take pleasure from patting yourself on the back. 

The Magical Combo

“What if there’s a better way?”

That question has guided my life for as long as I can remember. It’s wired into me, sometimes to my detriment because I’m endlessly looking for improvements. 

So I’ve added a second question that doesn’t come as naturally:

“What if I choose to enjoy the current way?”

Magic happens when you combine the two. Find things you don’t enjoy but others do. Find ways to make them better. And choose to enjoy it all. 

That’s my approach. Maybe there’s a better one. I’ll enjoy looking for it. 

Maybe you might want to choose to try the same? 

Make It a Habit

Ironically, the practice that has helped me most with finding and flipping enjoyment switches is not particularly enjoyable. I record everything I do, review it, then look for improvement opportunities.

My system is so effective at upping my enjoyment and providing a host of other benefits that someone who doesn’t like me much couldn’t pay me a million dollars to give it up. 

For help and accountability kickstarting your own system, consider joining me in a future Systematic Brilliance cohort. If you choose to, I guarantee you’ll enjoy it—and much more of your life thereafter. 

Learn More About My Enjoyable “Systematic Brilliance” Cohort

Did You Not Enjoy This Idea?

Negative Nancys will choose to poke holes in this concept of flipping the enjoyment switch. 

“Who does this entitled, unsuccessful loser Chris think he is, telling me I can choose to enjoy unenjoyable things? What utter BS.” Or, “This moron just wasted my time watering down the obvious cliché of ‘turning lemons into lemonade.’”

Then they’ll save themselves from future unenjoyment by never visiting The Zag again. Some may go so far as to leave a nasty comment. I’ve experienced this in many of my other posts, most notably the one where I rally men to join me in sitting down to pee. 

My reaction? 

I choose to find their insults and critiques funny. I look for glimmers of truth within their criticisms. And I appreciate seeing the human psyche from different angles. 

So please comment below with your nastiest critiques or insults! (Or say something nice.)

🦶 Footnotes You Don’t Have to Be a Podiatrist to Enjoy

1. My favorite quote from Schwarzenegger’s autobiography, Total Recall: “Arnold never, ever had an angry look while he was training. He was lifting huge amounts of weight. He’s always smiling. I mean, think about that. What must be inside his head? What must he know about his future, that he is always smiling?” ↩︎
2. Added bonus of choosing to enjoy around others, especially kids: They can sense your enjoyment. It transmits to them. So it makes your interaction easier and even more enjoyable. ↩︎
3. Fun fact about our individual sensitivity to negative and positive emotions: According to the book Personality by David Nettle, this what determines your level of the Big 5 personality traits of Neuroticism (negative emotion sensitivity) and Extraversion (positive emotion sensitivity). Extra interestingly, there is no correlation between the two.
   Read more of my favorite findings from deep diving into the CANOE personality traits. The nature versus nurture component is especially compelling. ↩︎