Impatience and Patience Are Complements, Not Opposites

I want to start with an apology to impatience. I’ve spent years criticizing it for leading us astray—pushing us to take shortcuts, making us give up too soon, or screaming at us for not delivering fast enough. I was wrong.

Thank you, Professor Kate Sweeny, for giving me a fresh perspective on impatience and patience—one that might actually help me engineer a more extraordinary life.

A New Look at Impatience

Impatience isn’t a flaw. It’s an emotion, like joy, fear, or even shame for being judgmental. It’s what we feel when our brain senses an “objectionable delay” in reaching our goals.

Think of impatience as your future self trying to call you.

Sometimes your future self leaves an urgent message, like:

“Hey! This path isn’t aligned with where you need to be—like, at all. You’re on the scenic route, and it’s waaaaay too scenic!”

Other times, it’s just them checking in every five minutes:

“Are we there yet? How about now? Maybe we should pivot to crypto investing?”

The real skill isn’t blocking these calls—it’s learning to screen them effectively.

That skill is called patience. People love to say patience is a virtue, but it’s not. It’s not the opposite of impatience either. Patience is a skill—a practical tool you can develop to harness impatience and channel it productively.

What to Do When Impatience Calls?

When impatience calls, here’s how to practice your patience skill to screen its message and respond:

• Reframe the Situation
  • Message from Future Self: “You’re not making progress fast enough!”
  • Poor Patience: “I’m failing; I should quit.”
  • Good Patience: “I’ve learned that X isn’t working. What tweaks can I make to double down on the areas showing progress?”
• Redirect Your Attention
  • Message from Future Self: “Why hasn’t that person responded yet?”
  • Poor Patience: “I’ll keep refreshing my inbox because I need an answer NOW!”
  • Good Patience: “What’s this delay in response holding me back from? What else can I focus on to make progress while I wait?”
• Regulate Your Response
  • Message from Future Self: “Handstands are taking forever to learn; this isn’t worth it.”
  • Poor Patience: “I’m not built for this; I should give up.”
  • Good Patience: “This struggle means it’s time to adjust my approach to make progress fun and sustainable.”
• React in Line with Impatience’s Demands
  • Message from Future Self: “You’re wasting time messing with tech issues.”
  • Poor Patience: “Just keep slogging through it.”
  • Good Patience: “Yeah, my future self’s right. Time to hire an expert.”

Develop Systematic Impatience Processing (AKA Patience)

This is where having a “Mission Control” system becomes invaluable. By logging actions, reviewing progress, and adjusting plans, you create your own “call screening” for your future self. You learn to distinguish between productive impatience (“I need to adjust my approach”) and shortsighted impatience (“I need immediate results”).

Systematic patience isn’t about slowing down. It’s about turning impatience into fuel for progress—using that restless energy to power steps that align with your unique potential and release excitement, pride, and passion along the way.

So next time that familiar buzz of impatience hits, don’t beat yourself up. Don’t berate impatience, either. Your future self is just checking in, making sure you’re still on track toward something extraordinary. The question isn’t whether to answer the call—it’s whether you’ve built the systems to understand and act on the message effectively.

Now that I’m on better terms with impatience, I’m determined to listen to it more systematically. How about you? 

Keep doing exciting things,

Chris

P.S. – Check out Sweeny’s paper,  On (Im)Patience: A New Approach to an Old Virtue, for more.