Why Just Being True to Your Values Isn’t Enough

Elon Musk is terrible at life. At least that’s what I used to believe. His 120-hour workweeks, Twitter addiction, and complete absence of work-life balance seemed like the antithesis of living well.

The exemplar of a life well-lived, I thought, came from a softcover book that probably makes Musk roll his eyes: Morrie Schwartz from Tuesdays with Morrie. Here was someone who danced, taught, loved, and inspired—even as ALS stripped away his physical capabilities. He radiated personal fulfillment.

But I was wrong. Musk, like Morrie, has achieved something rare: alignment with his core values. Expecting Musk to live like Morrie would be like telling a shark to photosynthesize. At 95, if he makes it that far, Musk’s anti-regrets—the actions he took that fulfilled his deepest drives—will likely dwarf any regrets, just as Morrie’s did. They’re both inimitable examples of living life to the fullest.

They just happen to be fulfilling completely different species of life.

Everyone’s Favorite Empty Word

When I’ve shared this Musk-Morrie insight with a few people, they nod. “Totally, we should all live true to our values.” Then they go back to their lives, believing they’re doing exactly that.

We’ve reduced “values” to a buzzword. Some dismiss the concept entirely, as I did until recently, seeing it as too fluffy to be useful. Others claim to cherish their values while living misaligned lives that leak purpose. And we prescribe our own values as universal solutions—like the tweeters who advised the lost and loaded Loom founder from last issue to”have a kid” or “become a VC.”

The uncomfortable truth: Values are super important, the key to a fulfilling life. Also, figuring out yours is super not-simple.

Different Species, Different Fuel

Values are like nutritional requirements for the soul. Musk thrives on a “carnivore diet” of achievement, power, and impact. Morrie flourished on something closer to plant-based connection, community, and love.

But unlike actual diets, where humans share roughly the same biological needs, our value requirements can differ as radically as a lion’s from a gazelle’s. Some people energize themselves through constant achievement. Others wither without deep connection. Many need a precise mix of both—or something different.

The Undervalued Complexity of Values

Our culture force-feeds us a standard value meal: career success, family, home ownership, retirement savings. Great news if your soul happens to crave exactly that. But for most, it leaves a hollow feeling that’s hard to pinpoint.

Even when we suspect our values differ from the cultural default, we’re terrible at predicting how fulfilling alternative paths might feel. Psychologists call this “affective forecasting error.” It’s why we keep buying things for ourselves instead of others, doom-scrolling instead of deeply conversing, and chasing happiness instead of contribution to others. We trust our gut to guide us toward our values, but our gut is as reliable as a sugar craving.

Adding to the complexity: Many of us are part lion, part gazelle. I.e., we often have diametrically conflicting values—both hedonism and humility, both power and benevolence. So the challenge isn’t just identifying our values—it’s understanding which ones to prioritize in which contexts for maximum anti-regretful fulfillment and minimum regretful hollowness.

My favorite value model, from Shalom Schwartz, illustrates this tension. Each of us has our own combination of values within this wheel. Figuring out your value profile is hard. It’s even harder to fulfill.

This is why the advice to “just be true to your values” is about as helpful as telling someone to “just be yourself.” 

Beyond Gut Instinct

Like a healthy meal, living your values energizes you. But the signals aren’t always clear in the moment. And while assessments like Schwartz’s can map the territory, finding your precise location requires experimentation and reflection.

Here’s what worked for me:

• Try things.
• Log what you do.
• Then analyze what actually hit the mark.

Take my resistance to one-on-one calls with readers. My gut said to avoid them—I prefer an open calendar and my number one value is self-direction. But when I reflected on past months and years, many of the calls I felt “forced” to do emerged as highlights. I feel more useful from them than from having spent countless hours writing posts like this that gets zero feedback. This helped me realize that benevolence, helping others in my circle, is also a value of mine. So I’ve reallocated my time: more calls, less writing. (Though not zero writing, because while it may not feed my need for acheivement, it does satisfy my cravings for independent thought.)

A Valuable Thing to Do

Research shows that our core values remain remarkably stable over time—even more stable than personality traits. But humans are remarkably self-deceptive and complacent, too. We settle into lives misaligned with our values while telling ourselves, “I’m staying true to my values.”

Love them or hate them, figures like Musk and Morrie stand out because they’ve found their unique value recipe. They’re impossible to miss when you see them. They’re also impossible to replicate. Their paths work precisely because they’re authentically theirs.

To design a life rich with anti-regrets, I think we need to treat values like nutrition: Experiment systematically. Notice what energizes us. And accept that our soul’s diet might look nothing like anyone else’s.

Related Posts You Might Find Valuable

• Why You’ll Regret Living a Life of Minimizing Regret – How focusing too much on avoiding regrets can paradoxically lead to bigger ones.
• The Insidious Not-So-Bad Paradox – Why tolerably bad situations often trap us more than terrible ones.
• What Would Your 95-Year-Old Self Say? – A framework for living an extraordinary life by ensuring your daily actions would make your future self proud.
• Books That Change Your Thinking – A curated list of books that challenged my approaches to life, including Tuesdays With Morrie.