Jodie Milton Wants You to Get More Intimate

Meet Jodie Milton

My three favorite takeaways from Jodie:

1. Challenge the belief that marriage loses is lust(-er) over time (See Question #3) with proactivity, like scheduling sex (See Question #8).
2. Enlist others to help you find life-changing zags that are laughably obvious in retrospect. (See Question #5.)
3. Pursue hobbies such as languages (See Question #1) or birding (See Question #6) that allow you to experience the world more deeply.

1. Life Story

📜 Q: Briefly, what’s your life story so far?

Born 3 months premature in 1988, my parents joke that my curiosity for life had me fighting my way out of the womb. Growing up in the quiet suburbs of Australia’s Gold Coast, you could always find me with my nose stuck in a book, or seated at the very front of the classroom. 🤓 

At 13 I traveled to Japan on a short school trip and fell in love with the culture, the people, and most of all, the language. To this day that trip remains my most formative experience. It shaped not just my career but my passion for learning languages as a way of seeing the world through a new lens.

In 2008, I graduated from university with a BA in International Relations, Politics, and Asian Studies, having spent time in Japan and Vanuatu as part of my degree.

I worked as a manager in a fundraising office for a year or so but soon grew restless. I was only 20, and managing a team of 12-14 employees was incredibly stressful. So when complicated legal problems forced the office to close down, I jumped at the chance to shake things up.

I sold most of my possessions (the first time of many) and packed my life into a beat-up, 20-year-old 4WD to embark on a 1-year Australian Odyssey with my then-partner.

We hiked beautiful week-long trails, camped on pristine white sand beaches, and slept in many-a-deserted car park. At one point we left the car behind for a 2-month bike ride (in winter). Eventually, we found ourselves in Alice Springs – the ‘Red Center’ of Australia – where I completed a Master’s Degree in Education and started teaching high school Japanese.

In 2011, after 3 years of teaching, I had a quarter-life-crisis of sorts. I realized I had lost myself in my relationship and my work, and after much deep personal work I decided to separate from my partner. It was a little messy as we owned a house together, but it was a hugely positive turning point in my life.

When my husband (Reece) and I started dating in late 2011 I committed to approach relationships in a healthier way. I didn’t want to repeat past mistakes, so I dived into the world of relationship psychology and personal development. Reece and I studied together for years before eventually starting a relationship coaching business in 2014, called Practical Intimacy.

Since then, Reece and I have worked with hundreds of couples to create more connected, intimate relationships, and helped over two million readers with our blog and online courses.

We now live location-independent, slow traveling through places like Portugal, Greece, Colombia, Turkey, Mexico, Costa Rica and, currently, Hungary.

2. Quirks

❄️ Q: What fun facts or quirky things make you you?

I can smell sneezes (no, they don’t smell nice).

I watch people’s mouths when they talk more than I watch their eyes. I think this helps me better understand different accents and languages, but it weirds my husband out. 

I’m well known amongst my friends and clients for mixing up idioms. I love an extended metaphor, but usually mess it up along the way. I’ve told my husband confusing things like, “That gravy train has sailed.” and “We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it.”

Both Reece and I are avid bird watchers. Considered an old people’s hobby, nothing brings us more joy than trekking through the jungle looking for exotic birds. 

I have a little calcified hole in my brain thanks to a brain parasite I picked up somewhere along my travels. I think my brain mostly works fine, but I’m also convinced it’s the reason I mix up words that sound the same. 😅

3. Mission

✊ Q: How are you trying to make the world a slightly better place?

My husband and I are passionate about challenging the cultural narrative that marriage ‘kills passion.’

We’re raising the bar for long-term relationships and by helping couples build practical skills for deep emotional intimacy, connected sex, and healthy conflict management.

4. Role Model

🦸‍♂️ Q: Whose life do you look up to?

Mr Money Mustache  (aka Pete Adeney) has had a big influence on my life choices.

I used to be a basket case with money, and didn’t think about my financial future at all. When Reece and I got engaged in early 2014, we had a difficult conversation about finances, which made me realize that I needed to get my shiz together. In my efforts to become more financially responsible, I stumbled upon Mr Money Mustache’s blog and the FIRE moment. Since then, I’ve become a compound interest fanatic, an enthusiastic investor, and a more intentional spender. I’ve also drawn a lot of inspiration from his intentional and reflective approach to life.

I also really admire Dr. Birute Galdakis, Dr. Dian Fossey and Dr. Jane Goodall.

Sometimes called the Trimates, or Leakey’s Angels, these 3 women are all female badasses, pioneering long-term, primatology field research in incredibly remote locations. They carved out world changing careers in the heavily male-dominated field of research, and changed the way we understand primates and humans. They’ve done so much for conservation and women in science, and their legacy is something I’m inspired and grateful for. While I don’t work in conservation, it’s something I’m deeply passionate about. If you want to be inspired by the courage and tenacity of these women, read Reflections of Eden by Birute Galdakis.

5. Huge Zag

⚡️ Q: Can you tell the story of a decision you’ve made that has had an enormously positive effect on your life’s trajectory?

In late 2014 we were still traveling through Turkey on our sabbatical and running low on funds. We’d each been sitting with the idea of starting a coaching business, but we were scared to take the plunge.

We had a choice to make:

• Return to our previous careers in Australia, or
• Finally take the leap and give coaching a go.

We actually tried to start two separate relationship coaching businesses (me working with women, Reece working with men), but a savvy business coach asked a life-changing question, “Why don’t you start the business together?”

It’s laughable looking back now and seeing how obvious that option was, but we genuinely hadn’t considered it.

Once we decided yes we were ready, we threw together the bulk of our savings and invested $10K in business coaching to help make our idea a reality. I had so much imposter syndrome as a coach and knew absolutely nothing about online marketing, but 10 years on, I’m so glad we took that leap.

The work we do is incredibly fulfilling. I get to work alongside Reece helping couples be more awesome while having time and location independence. I get to have a career that involves never-ending learning, and I get to write for impact. None of it would have been possible without that original zag.

6. Unusual Practice

🙃 Q: Do you have any unusual practices that you think more people would benefit from trying?

Bird watching.

There are several surprising benefits – from reduced anxiety and lowered blood pressure, to increased moments of wonder and awe.

It gets you out in nature and can take you to some truly spectacular locations (like Termales del Ruiz in Colombia – a hot spring on the side of a volcano in the Sierra Nevada with rare hummingbird species and elfin forests). You get to support ecotourism, create local jobs, and contribute to habitat and wildlife conservation.

It’s also the kind of hobby you can do in your backyard or local park. All you need is a pair of binoculars, The Merlin Bird app, and a healthy dose of patience.

To get started:

• Download The Merlin Bird app and the bird pack for your local area.
• Get outside and try to identify your first 10 birds, using the app’s identification support.
• Then try to get that number to 20.
• Then 50.
• Next thing you know you’ll be scouting out locations for your next new bird sighting.

Pro Tip: Make sure you start a list of each new bird sighting – what’s known as a Life List. It’s amazing how addictive it is watching that number go up. For bonus points, submit your sightings with the ebird app. It’s a citizen science platform that uses bird data for conservation and research. It also creates an awesome Life List for you with the data you submit. You can also use the site’s explore features to find local birding hotspots.

7. Change of Mind

👀 Q: What have you recently changed your mind about? What caused this change of mind? How has your behavior changed as a result?

Weight lifting, and going to the gym in general.

I used to be all, nah, that’s not for me, it’s not even good for women to push themselves that much. 🤦🏼‍♀️ I now try to lift heavy three times per week, and going to the gym is one of my favorite ways to spend free time. It’s a complete 180, and I feel sad for past me for missing out all those years.

8. Disagreement

🥊 Q: What might you and the people reading this disagree about?

Scheduling sex with your partner (instead of waiting til you’re in the mood).

Great sex doesn’t ‘just happen’ in long-term relationships. It’s something you choose and work at. Scheduling sex doesn’t have to be unsexy either – it’s really not that different from the way you ‘scheduled’ going on a date when you first got together. You just have to learn a different approach to desire, instead of waiting for it to strike out of nowhere.

For first-time sex schedulers, here are a few things to think about:

• Try building desire throughout the day leading up to your sex date. You can send each other flirty messages, fantasize about the last sexy romp your had together, or read erotica to help get your head in the game (this last one works great for women).
• Prioritize de-stressing before your date. Talk a walk outside to unplug from the day, have a long bath, listen to music. Shifting gears from work or chore mode to sexy mode is easier when you’re relaxed.
• Let the first few moments of sex be awkward and clunky. Part of the reason people prefer spontaneous sex is it skips over the awkward moments of getting started. But if you only have spontaneous sex, you’ll have a lot less sexual connection overall.  
• Learn what truly hits your sexual brakes and your sexual accelerators, so you know the right activities to do (and when) to rev up your desire. If you want a step-by-step approach for this, our Reignite Your Love Life course can help.

9. Life-Changing Learning

💡 Q: Can you tell us about a source of information (book, podcast, video, etc.) that pushed you to take action that improved your life?

Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski.

This book introduced me to the science of sexual desire and helped me understand why our sex life was struggling post-honeymoon phase. It pushed us to create a whole new approach to sex, something we now teach other couples.

I recommend this book to almost every client I work with.

10. Curiosity

🔬 Q: What are you currently excited to learn more about?

I’m currently writing my first book, called Rockstar Marriage.

Aside from starting our business, it’s the biggest single project I’ve ever undertaken. I’m excited about who I have to become to get through it, the learning experience of writing and publishing a book, and the opportunity to go even deeper into relationship research while writing. 

We’re also moving back to Australia at the end of the year to experiment with six months in Australia, and six months traveling.

In line with what Unfollowable Zagger, Russel Max Simon says, I’m eager to put down roots and enjoy a deeper sense of community. As someone who has been very nomadic since the age of 17, I do crave that. Being closer to family is important to me as well, especially as my parents get older.

Moving back to Australia presents a lot of unanswered questions for us.

• What kind of community do I want to connect with?
• Where will we live?
• Do we buy and rent out our place for 6 months of the year?
• Or just rent and leave it vacant? 

All of these questions contain a learning opportunity. I’m excited to try volunteering in aged care and conservation, and possibly joining a local theater group. There’s also the learning curve of buying real estate, potentially running an Airbnb, and the interior design challenge of furnishing a home. Having a permanent home base is very different to the lifestyle we’ve been living for the past 9 years.

11. Struggle

😰 Q: What are you currently struggling with? How might the person reading this help you?

Navigating the publishing world with this first book has been difficult.

I’m currently weighing up traditional, hybrid, and self-publishing, and would love to hear other people’s experiences to help me find the right team for this book. (Or if you know a great literary agent who might like to see our book proposal!)

Another struggle is finding a great VA who can be an all round superstar and long-term partner in our business.

We tried working with an agency in the Philippines, but it didn’t work out. We’ve both become bottlenecks in our business, and we’re stuck doing repetitive tasks (like uploading blogs and finding great on-brand stock images, or creating Pinterest pins) that hold us back from higher value work. We need someone with a unicorn mix of skills, who is a proactive problem solver and has excitement for supporting small businesses like ours. If you have tips on how you found an amazing VA, or outsourcing in general, I’d love to hear from you. Or if you are an amazing VA, we’d love to hear from you.

12. Accomplishment

🏅 Q: What has been one of your proudest accomplishments in life so far?

My marriage.

Perhaps it sounds corny but this really is the most important thing in my life.

My marriage is a source of joy, adventure, strength, love, learning, and safety. And it hasn’t happened by accident. We’ve both worked hard on our connection, cleaning up bad relationship habits and sorting through relationship baggage. I’m naturally an avoidant attachment style, so even getting married took a lot of work. Maintaining our connection and never taking each other for granted is something we continue to focus on week in, and week out.

13. Challenge to Readers

👊 Q: What one thing do you challenge the person reading this to try this week?

If you’re in a relationship, share a heartfelt appreciation of your partner every day this week.

Slow down and think about what you love and admire about them, how they make your life better, and why you’re grateful for having them around. Then share that appreciation out loud.

If you’re not in a relationship, do the same thing for someone important in your life, or shake it up and share an appreciation to a different person every day.

Heartfelt appreciation is a shortcut to emotional intimacy.

14. Question for Readers

🎤 Q: What would you most like to get an honest, unbiased answer to from the person reading this?

Do you find hearing other people’s relationships cringe or inspiring?

I’m passionate about shifting the conversation around marriage as some ‘ball-and-chain’ commitment. Up till now, I’ve tended to focus on sharing practical tools and research-backed strategies, but I wonder if sharing more of our personal story (warts and all) is also helpful – or not.

• What do you wish you knew about other people’s relationships?
• What topics do you think are the most helpful?
• What are you sick of hearing about?

Stay in Touch with Jodie’s Unfollowable Journey

• Come check out the relationship blog, Practical Intimacy.
• Take our Intimacy Styles quiz.
• Or connect with me on the ‘gram for life updates and practical relationship soundbites: @practicalintimacy
• Or send me an email! jodie[@]practicalintimacy.com with any questions and/or helpful feedback! 🙏🏻

Thanks Jodie!

I hope you enjoyed getting familiar with her unfollowable journey as much as me.

Until next time.

Keep doing exciting things,

Chris

PS: Want to share your unfollowable stories? Email me saying, “I’m interested in being featured in The Unfollowables” and we’ll take it from there.