Adventure Relish: The Secret Sauce for Sensational Living

It spices up anything. No joke.

Updated:

STUCK in a routine as bland as baking soda on baked potato?

DROWNING in a soup of dullness, screaming for spice?

CRAVING sensational experiences that tingle more than just your taste buds?

Today is your lucky day!

The product you didn’t know you’ve been drooling over all your life is finally here:

⚡️🌶️💥 Adventure Relish ⚡️🌶️💥

Tough to Swallow, Spicy Results, Fulfilling Aftertaste!

Adventure Relish re-infuses juiciness into stale relationships.

“My wife Marlene got us a jar of Adventure Relish for our 50th anniversary. We cracked it open during our romantic sunset picnic that evening. Then things got raucous. We ended up bumping into our grandson, Cole—and bumping and grinding with his friends at an underground electro club until sunrise.”

– Keith, 86, Berlin, Germany.

Adventure Relish makes every experience extra exotic.

“I took a jar of Adventure Relish with me on my weekend trip to Paris. By the time I got home, the jar was empty, I had a new French boyfriend named Jean-Philippe, and there’s a framed painting of me on the wall of a dive bar in the 19th arrondissement. I never even saw the Eiffel Tower.”

– Thali, 24, Essaouira, Morocco.

Adventure Relish puts excitement on your plate.

“I got so fed up at work on Wednesday that I decided to feed myself a scoop of Adventure Relish. The next day, I was in a conference room with my boss and my boss’ boss for a meeting I’d scheduled, pitching them on a new initiative. They signed off! Now I’ve got my plate full, which is wonderful because I have a drawer full of Adventure Relish to help me power through.”

– Jim, 42, Scranton, USA.
Adventure Relish in fridge

There’s NOTHING Adventure Relish Can’t Enhance!

No matter the pickle you find yourself in, Adventure Relish transforms the dull taste of boredom into sweet, spicy, and savory success!

Head splitting hangover?

Slather a scoop of Adventure Relish onto your avocado toast and you’ll be running through the winter snowfall wearing nothing more than a bathing suit, going from one café to the next on a “hot chocolate relay.”

Ghosted by your Tinder date?

Pull a travel pack of Adventure Relish out of your purse, suck it up, and you’ll be borrowing a Sharpie to make a sign on your table at the bar you’re at saying, “Tinder Date didn’t show. Feeling shitty. Come say hi!”

Not in the mood to work out?

Dip your energy bar into some Adventure Relish and, before you know it, you’ll have suckered your best friend into a decathlon battle, competing in ten different events including one-on-one basketball, max burpees in five minutes, a mile race, and a tug-of-war.

Struggling to come up with a Consider This newsletter idea?

Toss some Adventure Relish into your lunchtime salad dressing and, before your kid’s out of daycare, you’ll have written a fictional advertisement for a magical condiment that makes Red Bull seem like NyQuil in comparison.

Check those ingredients! Every bottle is packed with all-natural, biodynamic adventure.

There’s Only One “Con” to This Condiment

It works TOO well!

“I was preparing my sales pitch for the next day and accidentally put Adventure Relish on my sandwich instead of regular Heinz relish. The next thing I knew, I’d deleted my PowerPoint slides and called my prospective client to propose we scratch our meeting in the morning to meet up now to watch some live comedy, then talk business over beer after. Not only did I close the deal, but I got poached for an exciting new role with them!” – Nacho, 62, La Paz, Bolivia

“I was cleaning the dishes before my girlfriend’s parents arrived for dinner when some Adventure Relish on a plate from the day before inadvertently seeped into a paper cut on my finger. I didn’t feel much of anything, but when my girlfriend placed her beautifully-plated carbonara in front of me, I tore into it with my bare hands. Somehow, I cajoled her dumbfounded folks into joining. The feast morphed into an unforgettable, fantastically fun, five-fingered free-for-all.” – Jin, 27, Kijŏngdong, North Korea

You Won’t Want to Live Without It!

Before you’ve finished devouring your first jar of Adventure Relish, you’ll be hooked. You’ll want to take it everywhere you go and slather it on everything.

Don’t believe me?

Well guess what?

I’m not just the President of Adventure Relish Inc., but I’m also a client!

“My life would be as drab as a raw tofu, iceberg lettuce, and over-chlorinated water smoothie if it weren’t for Adventure Relish. I hope to never run out. If you ever get the impression I am, please come to my rescue by printing this advertisement onto a poster, rolling it up into a tube, and whacking me with it until I come to my senses.”

– Chris, 38, Vancouver, Canada

STILL Don’t Believe Me?

Take the Adventure Relish Challenge:

Stuff yourself with a healthy serving of Adventure Relish. If it doesn’t make life zestier than ever and make you hungry for more, I’ll give you 100% of your money back!

That’s The Adventure Relish Guarantee™.

The Price of a Jar Will Leave Your Mouth Ajar!

Now you must be thinking, “Holy moly! The life-enhancing benefits of Adventure Relish are unbelievable! A jar must cost more than caviar.”

Wrong!

Adventure Relish is priceless.

That’s right. It has no price. It’s free!

“Too good to be true!” you say?

This time you’re not wrong. Like with all wonderful things in life, there is a catch:

You’ve got to concoct your own Adventure Relish.

But if you want help with ingredients, inspiration, and reminders to slather it on everything, I can help… FOR FREE! All you’ve got to do is subscribe for an every ten(-ish) day digest.

Get help slathering Adventure Relish all over your life:

Adventure Relish is endlessly abundant, and sharing is caring, so spread the word:

Send a sample of Adventure Relish to your friends (and enemies!):

Yum!

I’m off to pick up my kid from daycare and take him on an adventure.

Keep doing exciting things,

Chris

CEO and #1 Fan, Adventure Relish Industries


PS: 👀 NEW PRODUCTS COMING SOON!

🍅 Don Wanna Ketchup

A squirt of Don Wanna Ketchup will have you not caring anymore about what other “high achievers” have accomplished and focusing on making your own slow and steady but also sweet progress, just like ketchup coming out of the bottle.

🪐 Uranus Mustard

The world’s #2 Poupon!

The mustard itself is nothing special, but the planet-shaped container that squeezes mustard out the butt at the bottom will be sure to delight the childish-minded and disgust the poor saps who have sticks up their butts.

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About the author

👋 I'm Chris. Everything you read on TheZag.com is my fault. This site is like a gym for your comfort zone, full of challenges to make your status quo sexier. Join my 'Consider This' newsletter for a fun new challenge every 10 days. Try it!

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